fear to fall

met up with yun and ade to go blading after work. was kinda apprehensive cos 1) i haven't mastered blading properly 2) haven't bladed in a LONG while 3) never bladed in rented blades b4 4) tj (my 师父) wasn't here

so after getting our gear ready and wearing smelly wrist and knee guards, we were off. ade is a natural, she learnt while she was young. yun and me... dun really know how to blade, but she's much better than me... ended up ade and yun were blading far infront of me and chit chatting, while me (the tortoise) is always behind, trying to catch up and trying hard not to fall... so ade and yun kept having to stop periodically to wait for me. thanks babes!

i must say i surprised myself. when blading with tj he was almost always next to me, either holding my hand or just an arm's length away. so while i did manage to blade and move, i never really learnt to fall, or have the guts to trust myself to blade properly. so now tt tj's not arnd, i'm forced to learn quickly, cos now nobody's here to hold my hand to baby me... and let me scold him when he tries to make me go faster... and interestingly enough, it's like this tt i manage to learn faster...

is this how life is? you grow up faster when left to your own resources... tt's why wild plants grow much more luxuriously and healthily, while the sheltered ones in the greenhouse, while beautiful, seem lacking a little life?

perhaps this is how it is. i have to let you go, go out there in the world to find yourself, and in the process, i'll find myself too... and realise tt i'm actually stronger than i think i am, that while i need you here in my life, maybe i also need you away for a while. they say absence makes the heart grow fonder. maybe absence also makes the heart grow...

always had this fear in me... fear of failing, fear of falling... it's time to conquer tt fear, i think.