random pics

was sorting thru my photos tdy, so here they are


tj just happy to be off his bed, onto another bed. he just finished his CT scan. look at how thick is blanket is, cos he had to be wheeled from one building to another, and out in the open (0 - 5 deg C)
the foggy roads on my way to Xianyang airport (25 dec), you couldn't even see the wei river at all


the 2nd time i tried to get out of Xi'an (and succeeded). the fog was still pretty bad but much better than the day before

cheryl and friends got a friend (interested in photography) to take photos of the jewellery they made to post on their blog to sell. will link this up in a couple of days when the webbie is up. in his free time, he took a couple of "makeover" shots for my darling cat kinky! here are my fave shots...

finally

good news! he's coming home!

flight details: he'll be flying on an air ambulance (lear jet) from xi'an to shenzhen to singapore, ETA 930 pm (30 Dec 06) at seletar airport. his dad will be travelling on the plane with him. after he arrives at seletar, he'll be transferred to SGH by ambulance with his father sitting in a car following it.

apparently his extended family (of abt 10 ppl) are meeting for dinner tt night and they wanna go to the hospital after tt to wait for him. which i feel isn't a very feasible idea, but i think tj will be happy to see them.

yeah, he's coming home for the new year... finally...

It’s Finally Becoming Clearer

So yes, finally the insurance ppl are doing something. After frantically trying to reach tj’s china doctor, they finally did, and after consultation with him the insurance ppl decided that it’s better not for tj to travel by fully reclining first class commercial airline (not that I think there are any from Xi’an – Singapore). So they’re gonna send him by air ambulance directly from Xi’an to Singapore I think, which is expensive but much better in my opinion.

So we’re now awaiting the flight itinerary from the insurance side, to finally get to see the details of the flight including the date/time, flight plans etc. TJ’s dad will get to travel with him on board, but since the plane is very small, they only can carry 1 piece of luggage for 2 ppl. Which is troublesome but not tt big a deal.

On a separate note, i need to bitch abt the HR bitch again. after telling a whole lot of WRONG things to tj, she dropped this killer question, "so you really cannot move ah?" tj was super angry when he heard tt question, so he replied curtly, "NO, OF COURSE I CANNOT MOVE". wth, of all ppl she's the one in-charge of the case so she should be the most well informed right? but no, apparently she doesn't know the situation well and tt was such an insensitive thing to say. everyone else in the company is quite frustrated with her, so thank goodness matters are now in the insurance company's hands, so tj can deal directly with them and not with the insensitive, incompetent bitch.

Fingers crossed, hope he does manage to get home b4 the new year.

Coming Home Soon (Hopefully)

On Monday we left for the hospital very early to get ready for TJ’s CT scan. The procedures in China can be described as do-it-yourself (for lack of a better word). We have to (a) obtain a note from the doctor stating what tests need to be done (b) queue up at the counter to settle payment for the scan (c) make appointment with the CT scan ppl (d) go up and inform the nurses in the ward tt we’re taking him down for CT scan (e) find the movable bed to transport tj in (f) carry him to the bed, making sure that he’s covered nice and warm (g) move him to first floor via passenger lift (h) wheel the bed out into the open where it’s cold, across the road to the CT scan office (i) carry him onto the CT scanner (j) wait for the scan (k) reverse steps (i) – (f), (l) go downstairs to the CT lab to obtain the results (m) try to find tj’s doctor to get him to look at the scan results.

Sounds complicated? It actually is, so many steps that we all have to rush up and down, very confusing steps for a non-native, especially for us Singaporeans, spoilt by our excellent healthcare system.

But the radiologist’s prognosis is good! Basically the fluid in his chest cavity is mostly reabsorbed, his liver, spleen and kidneys are healing well. So that makes all the trouble worthwhile. Only thing was that we couldn’t get hold of his doctor cos he was busy in an operation, so we had to come early on Tuesday to try catch hold of him. After understanding the situation, he finally realized tt tj will be evacuated with a specialized medical team and probably in those medical-equipped planes, so he told us tt tj can be discharged as early as today.

The big BUT is that we’re still waiting for the head office/insurance company/evacuation company end to come up with a reply as to what they’re gonna to do. We had to wait till tonight ‘cos everyone in the west is on Xmas + Boxing day holiday. Pls lah, how can a 24 hr evacuation company not have doctors who can speak Chinese, and not have anybody standing by on a holiday? We have been emailing them more than a week ago reminding them of the upcoming holidays and telling them we DON’T wanna have to wait for them to slowly come around after he’s been discharged. Just want them to be more transparent abt things.

As of 9pm, the medical evacuation company just called tj up telling him their very very rough plans, involving buying him a first class ticket (fully reclined), complete with oxygen tank and medical personnel. Which sounds fine and dandy, but the flights at Xianyang airport are mostly domestic flights, which don’t have fully reclining first class seats. Well it might be possible to ambulance him to another city nearby, but it seems to me that Xi’an is already pretty well connected to everywhere else. Ambulance ride to Beijing will take at least 8 hrs (assuming no traffic jams) which is crazy cos tt’s longer than the airplane ride from Beijing to S’pore. Trust them to come up with the cheapest alternative. So now they’re gonna work thru today settling the logistics etc. Which pisses me off ‘cos we’ve been writing to get them to do something more than 1 week ago and they only start planning now? Gosh.

Hope for the best.

All FOGGED Up

Monday 25^th Dec 2006

A separate entry, cos this is my experience in the foggy city of Xi’an. I arranged to leave Xi’an on Monday on a 1715 flight to make it for the 2355 flight from Beijing to S’pore. Monday being the important day of the CT scan, I wanted to be there as long as possible so I can put my mind at ease. Probably not the best move for me.

Left the hospital and hotel at 1300 for the driver (feng) to send me to the airport. Reason why we left so early is that it’s foggy, all highways except the ones that lead to the airport have been closed and all cars drive very slowly on foggy days. So I had a rushed lunch and left. Though feng drove slowly, there weren’t tt many cars so we actually made it to near the airport at about 1400, which was way too much time to spare. So kind feng decided to drive round Xianyang (a city nearer to the airport) for a spin, to show me the large Wei River as well. Was slightly paranoid that he’d drive me to some ulu place to rob me (cos some parts he passed by was really very ulu). But on the whole it was all right, we were chatting here and there, I was telling him about S’pore and he telling me about Xi’an and Shaanxi province. Reached airport at 1500. It was already slightly chaotic there, and flights were being delayed or cancelled due to foggy weather. I went to check in, but was told by the check-in staff that the flight’s been delayed, they don’t know how long it’ll take, because the plane is still in Shanghai Pudong (2 hours flight away). I was calculating, cos if this flight was delayed means I might not be able to catch my 2355 flight, and I didn’t want to spend a night in Beijing, rather stay in Xi’an where I know more ppl, can see tj also… so I started making calls to tj and my parents to consult them as to what I should do, and called my colleague A to inform her that I prob might not be going to work on Tuesday. Was just standing there waiting, then suddenly the station manager started shouting who’s going to Beijing? They freed up a plane and it was departing in 40 min. I could live with tt delay, so I hurriedly checked in my luggage, bade goodbye to feng (who was there with me all the way looking after my luggage, kindly lending me his phone to make china phone calls etc.) and proceeded to the boarding gate.

We boarded the plane about 1730, I was happy cos the plane was pretty new and there was an empty seat next to me. The plane slowly taxied to the runway, and we’re getting ready to leave. 10 min later there’s an announcement telling us “due to bad weather, the plane has not been cleared for takeoff, the pilots are in contact with Air Traffic Controllers for more details etc. Ppl started switching on their handphones and telling their loved ones they weren’t gonna be at Beijing that night. Anxious passengers started asking the cabin crew questions, but they weren’t able to answer either. Finally, at about 1800, the plane turned back to the tarmac, and we were offloaded.

We boarded a bus to take us back to the terminal. It was a scary ride, it was pitch black, the fog was like a wall choking you, and we could only see the blinking lights from a vehicle <5m style=""> Now we understood why they turned back. But they didn’t tell us outright that the flight was cancelled, only that it was delayed till weather conditions improved. Commonsense told me that the colder it gets, the worse fog gets so I decided quickly (after a phone call to tj) that I wasn’t going anywhere that night. So feng was told to come back to pick me up while I proceeded to cancel my ticket and get back my luggage.

It was terrible. Ppl were pushing and shoving at the ticket counters, waving their flight schedules and paper tickets (not boarding passes mind you) and screaming at the counter staff. I know they tried their best, but there were just too many rude ppl. To cancel the ticket, we had to return our boarding passes at one counter, and proceed to the next to get our paper tickets stamped “Delayed” then reclaim our baggage. There the problems started. I did not have a flight schedule or paper ticket (booked thru e-ticket) and I wasn’t as aggressive so the staff didn’t really attend to me till much later, and ppl were just pushing in from the back, by the time I was done I was so squashed inside I couldn’t get out, but I did in the end.

While trying to claim my baggage, I realized that I didn’t have my luggage tag with me, hence they were unable to find my luggage for me. First time I don’t get a luggage check-in tag, my flight gets delayed. Best. After trying calmly to explain to the counter staff that they didn’t give me a luggage tag, they finally went to the system, retrived the number and returned me my luggage. By then I had spend 1.5 hrs shouting, getting pushed at the airport. Was just so drained. Feng came to pick me up, where my original room was waiting for me…

Feng told me that after I proceeded to board, he felt that as it gets later the fog would thicken, so he waited another half hr in the airport before he finally left. When he was driving back to airport to pick me, the visibility was so poor (~1m) that he had to strain his eyes to focus on the road. After that, he drove me back for dinner and rest in the hotel. Was very tired then… what a way to spend Xmas. Ate a lot for dinner that night.

The Way Home (Finally)

Tuesday, 26^th Dec 06

Went down early to hospital to catch the doc before he goes for operations and stuff. Totally not enough sleep the night before so wasn’t really thinking straight. Saw that the weather was getting better so decided to fly today, got his Beijing office to book a new flight for me, stayed with tj abit more, then left. After more jostling in the airport, I learnt that my 1410 flight was gonna be postponed to 1750 (which was still ok for me) but then they had another earlier flight at 1430 which they booked me on. Will be in Beijing too early, but it’s ok, arranged for his Beijing office to pick me up at airport, put me up in their staff housing to rest/wash up before taking me back to the airport for my 2355 flight. Got on the flight, waited one hour on the plane for missing passengers before take off at 1530. Flight was as ok as it could be, sandwiched btwn a fat man and another one w bad breath. Thankfully it was short.

Though I reached Beijing a tad late and was considering whether I should trouble the driver to send me back and forth, I learnt tt he was there to pick someone up (arnd the same time as me) and later he had to go to airport to pick another person up and could send me back. So I decided to just go. Beijing is a huge city, modern, bustling etc. The number of cars on the road on the multi-leveled highway is amazing. Reached their luxurious staff house, dumped my luggage there, then left to walk around Beijing and find dinner.

Had about 3 hrs to kill, first time in a foreign land by myself at night, so didn’t dare to walk into dark alleys, just stayed on main roads. Walked inside the high class china world shopping mall where there was LV, loewe, and all sorts of other high class brands that I can never afford, and decided to walk outside, walked all the way till xiu4shui2jie1, supposedly a good place for shopping though somewhat a tourist trap. Decided I didn’t wanna have to deal with more Chinese ppl and having to bargain, so tried to have dinner, which isn’t v fun when you’re alone. Almost had KFC but decided not to, a Chinese fast food restaurant, had good beef noodles and thick soya bean milk. Yumyum. Tried to find Tiananmen square, near China World Apartments but it was dark and I couldn’t find it (wasn’t equipped with a map) so decided to just go back, wash up and head off.

Back at the apartment, I met C, the other Project Mgr taking over. A v nice fatherly figure, think I woke him up when I entered, spoke to him awhile. He told me they all liked TJ and tj was having so much fun in this job and they were v sad tt this unfortunate accident had to happen etc. The driver, J, didn’t know I was tj’s gf until the ride back to the airport, and he was nicer the 2^nd time around, enquiring abt his condition etc. Telling me how tj loves his job though his parents and gf didn’t, and how it was a struggle for tj…

I realized something abt this trip, that he has wonderful colleagues, who do all they can to make it easier for us. All friendly and concerned for him, and they all like tj cos he’s just an enthusiastic, friendly, young chap whom they think can go far… though we’re frustrated abt how the upper mgmt seem to be dallying and not being helpful, we can’t deny that we’re very well taken care of by the admin and ops staff in china, we get driven arnd everywhere, meals are always paid for (and they ALWAYS order too much). Makes me feel bad abt being so annoyed with him leaving all the time. But yah, I maintain tt the HR dept is very annoying.And I finally realize why tj always tells me abt his adventures and tell me that he wants to bring me traveling arnd the world. All arnd Xi’an and that lone night in Beijing, I realize that part of the joy in traveling is having someone there to share the wonderful scenery and interesting culture with.

Return flight was good, SQ is always good, there were ample seats so I ended up lying down to sleep on 3 seats. Flashing my airport pass gives me additional discount at duty free (15% off alcohol!) so it was more shopping before I headed for work, but was too sleepy to concentrate much.

Now I just wish he can come home too…

Going Home

been packing and stuff, a cold cold xmas this year, but it's not white here somehow. more like foggy. woke up this morn to a big fog and it's getting cold here, but no snow.

so yeah, i'm packing my bags right now, getting ready to go home. Xmas is D-day here, the mainland chinese don't celebrate Xmas so there's no public holiday, so tj's going for his CT scan tm. busy day which will start early and hopefully end on a good note. i'm leaving the hospital at about 3pm tm for xianyang airport to fly to beijing, gonna travel on subload ticket so am abit nervous abt missing my flight if it's full but yah, i just hope to leave xi'an with a light heart knowing tt he's coming home soon after and i can start preparations in s'pore.

but yeah, i'm ready to go home, don't like it here, just hope tt he can come home soon too...

merry xmas everyone

Xmas Greetings from TJ

Dear caring friends and loved ones,

Thank you for all your well wishes for my bday and xmas. I’m feeling a lot better now though this isn’t exactly the bday or xmas tt I expected to have this year. I’m having a bigger appetite and more food cravings as the amount that is fed to me through drip decreases. Having my family and my darling around makes it a very special occasion for me. As with every other year I hope to reply every sms greeting with a “thank you” but this year I’m unable to do so. Here’s a merry xmas to everyone and take this time to remember your family and your loved ones who will always be there for you. See you guys in S’pore soon.

Love, peace, and merry xmas to everyone. Appreciate your prayers and thoughts so that I can be evacuated home soon.

Tze Jun (aka TJ aka Zijun)

Guess the name of this noodles

short post, busy trying to pack both my stuff and some of tj's stuff... went walking arnd Xi'an city today, and am surprised to see how advanced this place is. More abt tt in a separate post when i feel more free.

anyway the northern parts of china are known for their 面食, literally translated to noodle dishes, though i guess a more accurate term would be pasta. it's too dry up here to grow rice (大米) so they grow alot of 小米 which i think is wheat, buckwheat etc. so they use these to make noodles. i love noodles, so it's quite fun eating those here, but they tend to come in fantastically huge portions and are too starchy, but since noodles are good here, we eat them every meal. never thought i'll say it, but i miss rice!

anyway this is one of shaanxi's most famous noodle dish. super complicated chinese word which the chinese here are proud to tell u tt this word is not found in any dictionary. this is supposed to be noodles as wide as a belt and quite chewy. i challenge u to tell me the exact name of this noodles... 1 cuppa coffee (starbucks/coffeebean) for the winner!

don't say i don't give you all close up of the word

pictures

still reeking from the distinct smell of 重庆麻辣火锅. which in china is superb and v cheap (only 96 RMB for 4 ppl inclusive of 2 bottles of beer) but it's really super oily, and my stomach is so gonna suffer... but yeah, it was good while it lasted.

it's 冬至 or winter solstice today. in the northern parts of china, they celebrate by eating 餃子 (or meat dumplings) while in the southern parts of china (where most s'poreans originate from) we celebrate by eating 汤圆 or sweet dessert dumplings. uncle, auntie and me did end up eating meat dumplings at a super authentic (read: dirty, smoky) small restaurant. but yeah, pity tt tj still can't eat dumplings... winter solstice is also the shortest day in the year, and it was v cold today (i think it reached sub-zero) which was v shiok but v cold.

the HR woman went to see the doctor tdy, we managed to catch him while he's doing his rounds, he basically told us tt tj's improving well and if CT scan on Monday is fine, then he can be discharged (i.e. send home to S'pore)! and tt's good news for all of us, and we're hopeful, after all he doesn't feel any more pain in his internal organs... but yeah, the rate determining step now is still his company's arrangements to send him back. so far we still don't have a good indication (despite having pushed for an answer as to when he's gonna be evacuated since one week ago) they only told us tt they're arranging it and it lies on Monday's CT scan. but yeah, while talking to the Doctor the nurse who accompanied tj from yulin to xi'an called and asked to talk to me, and asked me abt his current condition, including wat he's eating, whether he's still breathing pure oxygen and how he currently pees/shits etc. i asked y she asking all tt, they said they're making arrangements... which to me is good news too. at least somebody is doing something...

he asked me to post a few pictures to assure everyone he's ok. so here they are:


taken 2 days ago on 20 Dec 06, the stitches on his face were just removed so you could still see the remnants of the bandage.


today 22 Dec 06. he looks so much better with don't you think? =)


the bruise on his left back. looks absolutely painful.


close-up of the scar on his right cheek. tell me if you think it's manly and cool...


both of us. i'm wearing only a blouse and pants cos it's warm indoors. and it's hard to take a photo w/o having a double chin when u're lying down...

remaining hopeful for Monday. hope we all get a nice Xmas present from his company... and he gets to come home for new year...

new arrival(s)

busy day for the driver today, he had to make 2 trips to the airport. the project mgr left, a china HR rep came down, and tj's dad came down too.

we kinda miss the project mgr, cos he was the only helpful one, who'll help us make phone calls to arrange for stuff... HR rep wasn't v helpful, didn't even stay long to see him to find out how he is, seems like she's only coordinating the insurance matters related to tj's accident. they haven't given us any straight answers yet, despite us pushing and pushing since last week, and now tt it's Xmas and everyone else is enjoying their holidays, it seems like our case is just swept under the rug, and tt's super demoralising.

tj's only beginning to see the seriousness of the corporate situation, including the costs involved in medical evacuation. but he still remains hopeful tt his company will take care of him. yes they will, they have indicated tt they'll get him home, but they didn't say when. 3 months later is also getting him home you know?

the better news of the day: tj just moved his bowels. haha i can't believe tt i'm blogging abt this, but yah, we're really just grateful for small things like these tt show he's getting better. his internal organs also don't hurt now which definitely is good news. but then constantly lying flat on his back has put abit of strain on his tailbone so it hurts and he can't sleep properly.

he just has so much food cravings. hp he'll be cleared to eat dairy soon so he can maybe have a bite of the xmas log cake he so craves...

gonna try spending as much of Xmas with him, decided to fly back on Xmas day, and get ready, maybe have to fly back to Xi'an if he has to stay there longer. sighz. everything seems to be hinged on Monday's CT Scan, i really hope he'll be fine... and tt the doctors are responsible enough not to go on leave on Xmas... we need something to give us Xmas cheer too...

the big baby

getting more and more used to seeing him lying down on a bed not being able to move. but we count our little blessings, yesterday he was allowed liquid food, and tdy robin and auntie went around shopping for more "food" for him, so they bought more basins, towels, topped up phonecards, bought baby food etc.

and yes, he's like a big baby tt cannot do anything himself, we feed him, wash him (his face, hands etc.) and an attendant helps clear his pee and shit and is there generally to help him when we're not around. tt's the system in china, nurses don't do menial work and there are no ah mahs to help, so we hired the 24 hr attendant, who's duties above all, includes looking after his drip to see it doesn't run out. and his mum treats him like a big baby, bought him a children's book at the bookstore, and only remembers that he like snoopy as a kid. hmm...

anyway they removed the bandages for his face, he has these 2 parallel scars on his right cheek... which he thinks look manly and cool. for me... ok lah... they don't look tt deep so i think they will lighten over time. and there's always concealor

as time drags on, there's little/no news over his evacuation, and w the project manager leaving tm, there seems little hope that tj can be back b4 the new year. which is frustrating, and we've had enough trying to play corporate diplomatic games with his company, and the newly assigned contact point is being such a bitch. she told his father this: "tj will be there for a long time, won't it be v troublesome if you all keep flying up and down to visit him?" tj's father was totally hopping mad when she said tt, and he's really a v v v patient man who doesn't get angry at all. of course we'll go down, we'll take turns to keep on flying down as long as he's here, we won't leave him alone. anyway tj's dad is flying over tm, and we're now deciding our schedule now, and tt includes me flying back probably on 25th december, going to work for the next few days, and flying back down when tj's mum is back in s'pore. we're now running into visa problems, or rather lack of visa, cos we can only stay legally w/o a visa for 14 days, and since we don't have a visa in the first place, there's nothing to extend. and when tj was listening to our travel plans, he looked sad, knowing tt he's causing alot of inconveniences to us. but yeah, we won't give up, and we will do wat it takes to make sure he's well and back in s'pore.

i hate the situation now, but our hands are quite tied as the events unfold and become clearer to us. i just wanna to go home w tj, and tj just wanna be able to enjoy all his fave xmas goodies. unfortunately, he has to wait until next year...

tj went for a CT scan this morn, the system there really is a pain in the ass, and alot of diy. they'll literally go outside to ask young guys to help lift a patient up onto the CT scanner etc. and being inexperienced, they end up hurting the patient, my poor tj who has a broken pelvic bone and fractures at different places...

after tt he made his way out, into a so-called "private ward", which is in alot better condition than the normal one that he was going to be placed in. which is good, so tdy we spent his bday w him, first his mum talked to him (while i went back to hotel to make phonecalls and send emails) and later in the afternoon it was my turn... nice to finally see him and he says seeing me makes him smile alot, but i have to be careful not to say funny stuff cos it hurts when he laughs, and seeing him being so vulnerable makes my heart ache. but at least he can drink some fluids including porridge water, which in this part of china is like red bean soup w/o the beans and sugar.

ct scan results were out, on all counts there seems to be improvement for his spleen and liver, but now both kidneys appear hurt (it used to be only one) and there's fluid accumulation in his chest cavity. but the chest one according to the doc is some reaction by the body due to stressors from other parts of the body and he didn't sound tt concerned abt tt.

we still dunno when he can be back. they've arranged for a ct scan next monday, and there's no next step from then on. everything hinges on his suitability to be moved, which makes sense but tt just means tt we're in here for the long haul.

on a separate front, we're quite frustrated w his company, our official coordinator who has been quite helpful so far suddenly left without a word, uncle had to frantically call and call him, until a colleague told us we went to myanmar... i mean i can understand tt he has to go attend training and wat not, but at least have the decency to tell us, and arrange for a replacement? but no. he just left w/o a word and w/o handing this over to anyone. not to mention tt his replacement's been such a bitch with regards to travel arrangements for tj's bro. i got two separate company ppl to call her, and they talked until they were mad at her, but she refuses to budge cos it's "company's policy, if i bend the rules this time, then next time everyone wants the same thing" you mean she wants another accident to happen? so now tj's bro is not coming down, and we have to start thinking abt planning schedules so tt there's always someone w him while he's here, and being without a visa, we can only stay here for a max of 14 days.

thanks all for ur well wishes, he's unable to reply ur msges but he's touched by the concern. he wanted me to take a picture of him and post it on his blog but i found it quite weird... not to mention his lappy's usb doesn't seem to read his camera...

tt's abt all for tdy. frustrated at my helplessness... but yah, gotta remain strong...

happy happy (for now)

went to see tj and dr in the afternoon. finally got to see tj, he looks quite all right, he sounds ok, and he just seemed happy to see me, and i was v v v glad to see him, and the bonus was tt he looked fine... so i can be relieved on tt count. he just wanted to get out of the ward, wanted to be able to eat something (he hasn't eaten for 5 days i believe) but i told him to be 乖乖 and not eat first, make it home first and food can come later. i told him tt he had to voice out his own opinions if not nobody will know, and when i try to voice out his opinions my voice has little weight cos i'm not exactly family.

so tdy's a day of good news, other than getting to see tj and seeing he's fine, we also saw the doctor, who informed us that results of tj's blood test is good, his red blood cell count is back to normal which indicates tt the internal bleeding has stopped. they will do ct scan tm morning to assess the internal damage to the organs. and he can be moved out of ICU into hopefully a private ward, where there's more privacy and it's cleaner. if not then a normal ward will do, but the conditions there really not good, so we're keeping our fingers crossed on tt one. he's happy and we're happy tt he can get out of ICU.

when will he be back, i dunno as yet, gonna extend my leave and stay longer to accompany him. doc said decision can be made on saturday/sunday. not very happy w the way his company and insurance company is handling this issue, am working w his bro now to try to diplomatically get our way... hp to get him back to s'pore asap. i really can't stand the state of china's hospitals...

in the meantime, if u're reading this, tj's b'day is Dec 19! please send him a happy b'day greeting and send him ur regards at his china mobile no.: +8613619122457. You'll be charged internet sms rates though, and he won't reply you (must save money), but i'm sure he'll be glad to hear ppl care.

sightseeing

not supposed to go visit him in the hospital tdy, and since the doc isn't arnd, we decided to go sightseeing to while away the time. but b4 tt, we went to the ICU to pass him some stuff, which included his spare hp battery, some love notes, the book yun lent me (One More Day by Mitch Albom), wanted to pass him his mp3 player, but then the battery was flat, so borrowed a portable movie player from adam (the company guy who's accompanying us) to pass to him in the morn. we stood outside the ICU to get the nurse to pass him stuff, and the v cheeky adam walked into the ICU pretending to be an ignorant angmoh, saw tj, and waved to him. stupid ang moh.

so after tt i received an sms from him saying he's v glad to receive the goodies so he has something to do... which was good enough news for the day. so we made our way down to visit the terracotta warriors (兵马佣), a famous tourist attraction in Xi'an. it was interesting and quite amazing, will blog abt it separately another day when i'm in a better mood. after tt we went for foot massage too. which is a good way to relax after the tense emotions tt we've been facing the past week.

his aunt and uncle called him secretly and he answered the phone, so emboldened, i went to call him too, though the conversation was super brief, and he was super whispering, i was happy to just hear his voice, and i hp he was happy hearing mine too... we're hopeful tt he can be moved out of ICU tm so we can take care of him. but we'll see how it goes.

next steps: another blood test will be taken tm to monitor his red blood cell count, we'll talk to the doctor tm and see him during ICU visiting hours, and hp tt he gets out of ICU. in the meantime we're working towards getting him home as soon as he is cleared for evacuation.

i finally have the password to his lappy, so was talking to some of his friends on msn. glad to receive so many well wishes. keep ur prayers and regards coming, i will pass them on to him. its always good to know ppl love and care for u...

fingers crossed, but we're hopeful...

hands are tied

spent the morning getting more rest and getting things done, left for the hospital at 1.30, waited for the doctor who was on leave, tried to get medical records (for 2nd opinions by tj's uncle and other docs) but can't cos the doctor's on leave, queued up till 3 to see tj, but couldn't cos though the visiting hrs for ICU is "everyday" from 3 - 4 pm, weekends are not considered part of everydays. go figure, then later when the field administrator guy went to pass them the towels etc. (in China, relatives bring the patients their food, bring the nurses toiletries to wash the patients) he got to go in for a short while to talk to him! disappointed tt i didn't get to talk to him again, and i know he's really bored, but at least we got to pass him our notes and he passed us one, so when i saw his note i was v v happy, cos it's something from him...

china's medical system really pisses me off, but i'm trying not to let it get to me, trying not to insist too hard to break their regulations, yes i'm a foreigner but tt doesn't make things ezier just cos i'm foreigner, though i do wonder if i'm ang moh would it have made a difference. but yah, dowan to make them pissed off, cooperate, so tt tj can come back sooner. but it's counter-productive when his father and mine say "can't u ask the company to let u see him longer" and things along those lines. how can we? it's a common ICU, it's not just tj we shd be worried abt, but the other patients, alot who have just completed surgery and prone to lots of infections... but yeah, just hp tt our small notes keep him gg, let him know tt we love him lots and explain the situation to him better...

for now, our hands are tied, cos just waiting for him to get well. but we're trying on the side to make the insurance company to commit to evacuating him as soon as he is stable, we don't want him to go thru any more delays.

other than tt, his vitals are stable, at least now he's cleaned up and feel better... i miss him more than ever, being so near yet so far, and though it seems tt i'm making a wasted trip, i'm glad i came, i'd like to think tt he feels better just knowing i'm 10 min away... i just wish i can see him soon though...

Xi'an

yes. after much stalling tj's mum and i finally made our way down to china. first a 0120 flight to beijing then transfer to Xi'an. by the time we reached the hospital (Shaanxi people's hospital) it was already 1330. what we saw there made our hearts ache so much...

the touted biggest hospital in the area is super old and dirty. lights don't work, ppl smoke everywhere, walk in and out etc. tj's in the ICU, which is unlike ours in s'pore, is a room shared w six ppl. other patients include those gg for chemo, just finished operation and those gg to die... and each patient can only have 1 family member visit for 5 minutes... so his mum went, and when she came out, the story she told me made my heart go out to him...

he was in ok spirits, but knowing him, he tends to put out an okay outward appearance rather than to burden ppl and/or make them unhappy... he hasn't bathed/washed/changed his clothes since monday (the accident) and just been thru a treacherous 6 hr ambulance ride to xi'an, where his parent's heart dropped everytime they heard the phone ring... he made it safe, vital stats are stabilising and improving... but he cannot eat, drink, move or use the phone,as such, he just lies there and watches all the dying ppl arnd him. imagine how tt will affect ur mood...

and yah, we finally got a clearer picture from the doctor. basically, his broken hip is no longer an issue, as in it wasn't disaligned tt much, so even if he didn't do anything to it, it'll be fine. but as a result of the thingie falling onto him, his internal organs were hurt... so now his spleen, liver and kidney are bleeding. they've stabilised yes, but yah, any sudden movement or rupture could cost his life. i didn't know the extent of his injuries until now... and while they did say he's improving, they can't be sure, and proceeded to tell us horror stories abt y we shdn't insist on moving him out of ICU.

so we waited and waitied to see him, since ICU is shared, they have this v strict rule, tt each patient can only have family members visit for 5 minutes, and ICU visiting hours are only from 3 - 4 pm each day. so only his mum went... and it was like so near yet so far... i already mentally prepared wat to say to him, but was turned away at the door. felt super upset, and finally broke down and cried in the car... not a good move, supposed to stay strong esp for auntie...

worried for her, she hasn't slept well in days, didn't sleep on the plane ride, drank coffee and ended up with a bad headache. then she told me tt she kept regretting encouraging him to go for this job, a sentiment i totally shared... yet she was trying to comfort me, when i can only imagine how bad she feels, coupled w the fact tt uncle's being a v kancheong spider abt the whole thing. keeps calling to get updates from us when we don't really have anything to tell him, and we pad the truth so he won't get worried

writing this from my v good room in sheraton hotel xi'an. tj's company is treating us well, taking care of our food, lodging, transfers etc. as i speak, i'm using the broadband internet connection on the project manager's spare computer (he v kindly lent it to me so we could skype) and i feel guilty, for staying in such a nice place, eating not too bad food... since we can only visit him at 3pm, we're probably gg sightseeing arnd xi'an in the morning. but honestly, i'm not in the mood to, and it only adds to the feeling of utter helplessness and uselessness tt i'm feeling right now. he's hurting, suffering, in such danger but yet i can't do anything abt it, not even hold his hand, smile and tell him everything will be all right... i just want to tell him tt he means the world to me, i need him to be patient and strong and brave for himself and for the both of us.

quite drained from the journey here which i only managed intermittent sleep. but yet not sleepy cos thinking abt alot of things... blaming myself for not telling him not to take up this job in the first place, letting him be stubborn, not being firmer on my stand to break up w him if he doesn't quit... thinking of how he'll be suffering on his b'day (19th) and christmas. while we are hopeful, i think he'll really only be relieved on the day he returns to s'pore, even if it means a long stay in s'pore's hospitals... and now, we're just all getting ready for the timetable and shifts so tt there'll always be someone here w him

i now have ownership of all his stuff... looking thru his bag i found chippy and daley... and when i saw them, i was so sad, cos i gave them to him as angels to accompany him on all his trips away from me and now he doesn't have them...

selfish me, before the accident i kept hinting tt i want a v nice xmas present... now all i want is for him to make a speedy recovery.

guilt, frustration, worry, anxiety, sadness, heartache...

standing in

hmmm.. as of now, car shld be waiting for her connecting flight to xi'an. hope they've figured out where to go when they reach..

as for tj.. yay! he finally made his way to the hospital! so tats one thing less to worry abt..hope they get all their medical skills, equipment and watever else right this time round..

off to xi'an

finally we decided to not sit back anymore and head down to china to see tj. abt time. i shd've been more assertive and maybe we'll be there earlier. went to office tdy to settle stuff, get my ticket etc. and took half day to settle other stuff, last minute shopping for winterwear.

on his condition, well he's on his 4th bag of blood... and though the internal bleeding was not yet stablised, they decided to move him to xi'an after a conference call btwn the doctors and tj's bone specialist uncle. it's a pretty big risk, cos xi'an is a 5 hr ambulance ride away, and i'm not tt keen on him travelling on china highways... plus if the membrane (of the liver) ruptures, it'll be v v v jialat. but yah, after much consideration they decided to go ahead. but my poor tj is now v confused w all the change in instructions... and i'm v v worried as well... in the morning he sounded quite his usual self on the phone, but as the info changes and changes, he seems more and more worried and even resigned to the situation... and tt just gets to me... and unlike wat his parents and bro think, tj doesn't call me tt much, all of my news comes from them, and he seldom sms-es too. and tt just leaves my imagination going wild... and my mood swings from depressed to super depressed...

so yeah, taking the 1am flight to beijing then transferring to xi'an to see him with his mum. though we won't be of much help there, i hope our presence gives him the moral support he needs... though i have to be strong and offer him the support he needs and not break down myself...

i'll be enlisting the help of yun to update in this blog so tt concerned friends can know of his condition better. tentatively i'll be back on 20th december, hpfully with him... poor dear, his bday on the 19th and xmas is coming... ;( i just hp he gets well soon...

update

after tons of screw-ups w the doctors and the stupid agency, they finally arrived like 2 days after the incident. and now conducting tests. poor tj just lying there in pain, not knowing wat's happening, not knowing if he actually can get to go home... all alone... and we're just passing msges arnd, his parents receive news from his company's safety + HR manager and pass on the news to me. and it sucks, cos news changes within minutes... we tot he's ok to fly home, but then suddenly cannot le. and now they discovered internal bleeding, his liver bleeding, which makes transporting him a big NO-NO now. so poor boy will still be there by himself

the initial idea was he gets to fly back. then we waited for the f$@@ed up doctor to make his way down to certify him fit to fly. but now they found the internal bleeding, i don't think he'l make it back anytime soon. i know he wants someone to be there, maybe not me, but at least his parents, which is y i'm already on standby, not sure y we're still here waiting, even if he does transfer hospitals in the end, at least we're in china and are nearer and can just make it to whichever hospital he ends up in right? so we're just here waiting, and i'm getting more and more anxious and worried...

the worst feeling in the world

the worst feeling in the world is when you're bathing and your phone rings and you know it's your darling but you wonder y he's calling so many times when he's still supposed to be working and he's using his s'pore line to call. something must be wrong but you don't know what so you carry on bathing. next his parents start calling you like mad, and finally you pick up the phone... and you hear the bad news:

your baby's in an accident all the way in china, he broke his hip bone and his face now requires stitches. and all this while you keep telling him to be careful, to quit his stupid job cos it's just not worth it... but he wanna prove himself so you grudgingly let him go... and now he's hurt... and you hurt too... but you can't cry cos you don't want him to worry, but yet you worry and are upset... you want him to come home, but not this way... he's ok but his bone will have to be pulled in place only tomorrow noon cos the doctor is not in the hospital, only the substitute doctor (what kinda STOOPID hospital does china have?) and after tt you have no idea when he's coming back, and you're worried and you just want him to come home but you don't know if he's stable enough to make the journey back...

you just wanna cry but you can't... like something stuck inside...

Apologies for being me

This is one of those posts where I have tons to say but don’t know how… this is one of those days also tt I wake up wanting to go back to sleep, drag myself to work, find out my boss is on urgent leave, and then I totally don’t feel like doing any work. Which is the reason for this rambling post…

I try, to be the one, cheerleader-confidant-advisor-lover all rolled into one. And yes, your sweet words keep me afloat, sustain me till your next return and then you proceed to humour me, to make me feel impt, cherished and treasured… Yes it works… sometimes. But only when you’re back I guess…

Not all of it is ur fault. Ur job takes a lot out of you. I know it’s tough to have a physically demanding job, work 12-hr shifts for 35 days straight with no rest in between. It must suck, not having tv to watch, not being able to chill with friends over ice cold beer, being so far away in a forsaken land, away from friends and family, in the freezing cold. And you are tired at the end of the day, and discouraged cos of the job scope and nature…

It’s difficult, knowing you’re working hard, feeling discouraged, not getting paid enough, not being able to live up to your OWN expectations, feeling tt ur job sucks, hearing u say tt u and ur colleagues agree tt u can’t stay long in the job… and I have to console u, cheer u on, tell u tt u can do it… while putting my own feelings aside, of me starting to feel unhappy in this job cos little gets done and I have little power to change things, of me feeling lonely, of me hating how my schedule revolves around urs when you’re back briefly…

You tell me I’m sweet, I’m the most important person in the world… but yet when I feel upset at night and just want to hear your comforting voice, I can’t, because it’s late, you’re already sleeping, and I don’t wanna disturb you. Because if I do, I’ll end up feeling bad, apologizing for waking you up… for ur tiredness the next day… and it becomes my fault for just wanting what I should get from my bf…